Best Wines To Drink To Get You Through A Breakup
What’s the best wine for a break up? No matter what the reason, there’s a wine for that. We’ve got 27 of the best wines for a break up. Because, you need options.
Drink until your tears taste like Tempranillo
The difference between breakups in high school and breakups in adulthood is that instead of drowning your pimple faced sorrows into a box of fruit roll ups or making out with homecoming royalty behind the bleachers, as adults you can easily lean into a bottle of Malbec and keep pouring that drunken lava until your heart is filled with notes of ripe berries and licorice instead of Sweet Valley High betrayal and failing your driver’s test again sadness.
The loyal thing about wine is that it is always there for you in a time of need — celebrating a job promotion? Here’s a bottle! Turned a milestone birthday? Here’s a vintage from your birth year! You forgot to pay your electric bill and now you’re eating cold pizza from battery-operated votives? Here’s a glass to shine a light on your temporary darkness.
We’ve got wine advice that will make you laugh, make you cry and may possibly make you commit arson. Kidding! (maybe)
Whatever stage of breakup you are going through — here’s a wine for that!
The Let’s Just Be Friends Breakup Wines
No one wants to be put in the friend zone after having a wildly romantic relationship where you are blindsided by a text message that reads, “I think it’s time we stop sharing Delta miles”.
Ugh, the burn! If you ever find yourself going from madly in love to mad in a friendship that wouldn’t even last through a stint on An Amazing Race, then these breakup wines are for you…
- I Love You, But I’ve Chosen Disco, Red Wine – 2021 Dry Creek Valley
- My Favorite Neighbor, Cabernet Sauvignon – Central Coast, California
- Teeter Totter, Cabernet Sauvignon – 2021 Napa Valley
The Heartbreak Wines
You feel like your heart has been sliced in two. A slow death is upon you filled with tears of your ancestors who hunted their own food in loin cloths and got caught cheating at poker in the saloon.
There’s no end to this misery of lost love, the void of burnt toast and runny eggs in the morning prepared by someone you just shared sweaty summer cuddles with. These top 3 heart-break-up wines are just for you…
- Don’t Forget Me, Red Wine – 2021 Sonoma County
- Lonely Hearts Club, Red Wine — 2020 El Dorado County
- Innocent Bystander, Pinot Noir – Yarra Valley Vintage, New Zealand
The Drunk Text Wines
The infamous and mandatory drunk text one must send shortly after (or even weeks, months after) a breakup.
The one that begs them to come back with cringeworthy desperation or the mean texts which you don’t bother to fix autocorrect’s “ducking”.
- Reckless Love, Red Blend – California
- Sh!tshow Red Wine Blend – 2021
- Troublemaker, Red Wine – Central Coast
You spent an entire episode of Bridgerton deleting every Instagram post that featured this two-timing trash. Oh, you’ll show him.
You’re Taylor-Swifting his ass — putting on that bright red lipstick, getting a new cat, and making up a song about his nasty toe jam that will go viral on Tik Tok. Revenge is best served air-fried!
- Josh, Cabernet Sauvignon
- Austin, Cabernet Sauvignon — Paso Robles
- Justin, Cabernet Sauvignon — 2020 Paso Robles
She broke up with you via Alexa, but Artificial Intelligence had nothing to do with the dirty dishes she left in the sink with just one drop of dishwashing liquid left.
The worst thing is she logged out of all your streaming subscriptions and that was her contribution to the relationship in lieu of paying the gas bill. At least you can still take a hot shower and try to relax while wondering how Succession will end.
P.S. she took the air fryer!
The Getting Over By Getting Under Wines
You decided to listen to all your friends (except the weird yoga instructor friend who said not to give your body to emotional vampires) and hook up with someone in order to quickly get over “you know who”.
It was a one night stand with great sex and a drive through In n’ Out burgers – both served animal style.
- Sexual Chocolate, Red Blend – 2020 San Luis Obispo
- Two Hands by Sexy Beast, Cabernet Sauvignon – 2018 Australia
- Softcore, Carbonic Red Wine, California
The Hot Spanish Wines
Everyone needs to have a Spanish lover (um, wine) at least once after a breakup.
- La Maldita Rioja Garnacha, 2018
- Bodegas Martinez Lacuesta Rioja Crianza, 2016
- Bodega Numanthia Termes Toro Vintage
The Sexy French Breakup Wines
The French do break-up wines best.
- Louis Jadot Pinot Noir Burgundy
- Clos St. Antonin Chateauneuf du Pape, 2018
- Alain Chavy Bourgogne Blanc, 2020
The I’m Moving On Breakup Wine
You’re moving on and moving up. That Mel Robbins podcast is giving you a new lease on life. You’ve deleted their phone number and haven’t even stalked their LinkedIn page since they were promoted to regional manager at Subway.
- Unshackled, Red Wine Blend – California
- Good Fucking Wine, Red Blend – California
- Happy Camper Cabernet – California
Breakups are hard, but there’s always that not-so-special occasion wine that you’ve been waiting to pop open.
Take comfort in knowing that for less than $15 a day you can comfort yourself with a decent bottle of wine and cry yourself silly until you’re singing Sarah McLachlan songs to your rescue cat.
What should i drink after a breakup?
Let’s Just Be Friends Wine- I Love You, But I’ve Chosen Disco, Red Wine – 2021 Dry Creek Valley
The Getting Over By Getting Under Wine- Two Hands by Sexy Beast, Cabernet Sauvignon – 2018 Australia
The I’m Moving On Breakup Wine- Unshackled, Red Wine Blend – California
The Drunk Text Wine- Sh!tshow Red Wine Blend – 2021
The Heartbreak Wine- Lonely Hearts Club, Red Wine — 2020 El Dorado County
Why do people drink alcohol after a breakup?
The Getting Over By Getting Under Wines. You decided to listen to all your friends (except the weird yoga instructor friend who said not to give your body to emotional vampires) and hook up with someone in order to quickly get over “you know who”. It was a one night stand with great sex and a drive through In n’ Out burgers – both served animal style.
What wine for when you’re sad?
Drink Unshackled, Red Wine Blend – California, when you’re sad. Breakups are hard, but there’s always that not-so-special occasion wine that you’ve been waiting to pop open. Take comfort in knowing that for less than $15 a day you can comfort yourself with a decent bottle of wine and cry yourself silly until you’re singing Sarah McLachlan songs to your rescue cat.
Does alcohol make you miss your ex?
The “I’m Moving On Breakup Wine” You’re moving on and moving up. That Mel Robbins podcast is giving you a new lease on life. You’ve deleted their phone number and haven’t even stalked their LinkedIn page since they were promoted to regional manager at Subway.
Unshackled, Red Wine Blend – California
Good Fucking Wine, Red Blend – California
Happy Camper Cabernet – California
Author: Tiffany Carter
Tiffany is a contributing writer to Armchair Sommelier. When she isn’t writing about wine, the California native is touring local wineries (Hello Napa and Paso!) and filling her glass across the globe (Ciao, Tuscany!). She loves a full-bodied cab, but she plays favorites when it comes to a spicy Zinfandel or juicy Malbec. Her fridge is stocked with a bottle of sparkling rosé for emergencies. Hint: there’s always an emergency. You can follow Tiffany @winetastetravel.